Thursday, April 21, 2011

To Leave or To Be Left?

I am most definitely one of the most indecisive freaks on this planet. Even when I make a choice I still hang around in case, for some reason, the circumstances change. By the way they never change, especially when it comes to relationships.

Break-ups are ridiculously hard. SOMEONE has to make the decision when they realize it just "isn't working out", but who? Sometimes only one person wants to run, while other times both people are ready to bail, but someone still has to start the conversation.

What is harder? Being dumped or dumping someone? I am going to identify some of the major points for each dumping situation.

1. You don't have to break their heart
2. You don't have to make a decision
3. You can think they are an undeserving asshole and state that they made "the biggest mistake of their life"
4. You don't have to come up with the cheesy or angry break-up speech
5. You feel self-conscious because you don't understand why they bailed
6. You were not prepared (even if you could see it coming like a cow sees an oncoming train but can't do anything about it...)
7. You have to deal with the consequences of your mistakes (if you made any, they may just not love ya.)
8. You can use your anger at them for dumping you for self improvement.
9. Your heart gets broken

1. You are in control
2. You can prepare yourself
3. You can have your rebound prepared
4. You can totally tear a strip off them if they were a prick
5. You can have your supports from family and friends set up in advance
6. You can do it in a safe place
7. You have to crush someones heart/soul
8. Still have to deal with your own heartache and insecurities

So actually I still have no clue which works for me. I have had a broken heart and broken hearts and I can honestly say I feel worse when I break up with someone else.

The DUMBEST part: The reason I feel the worst when I leave a relationship is that I HAD TO MAKE A BLOODY DECISION!

How pathetic is that??? Where do you stand? What do you believe? What other areas about a breakup did I miss?


Wayne said...

If you were not a nice person you would not care if you broke someone’s heart.

Phantom of Pulp said...

I think we feel worse when WE break it off because we can only blame ourselves for the decision if it ends up being a rash one. If we didn't make it, however, the thing may have festered and become more infected than it already is. The person who does not take the dealbreaking step is either lacking assertiveness skills or viewing the relationship's ups and downs from a very different perspective.

Doing the dumping definitely puts you in a better position post-dump -- although possibly not physically if you're the one leaving the house or apartment or trailer or cardboard box. I find that the harshest aspects of the relationship suddenly seem less intense during the immediate lead-up to the dumping (after you've made the decision to officially dump). Deciding to finally do the dumping is very stressful.

There are no immediate victors in a dumping. It's too emotionally complex an act for that. But there are folks who are dumpees more than dumpers, and I think that mostly comes down to personality differences (reasons for the dumping in the first place perhaps?).

May I suggest that two ex-dumpers may not fair well in a long term relationship. Or two dumpees. Something static about that, although first time sex would be dynamic.

I think a contrast is best.